Dashing Through The Mall

Dashing through the mall…
On a late December day,
Through the $tores we go
Charging all the way…

Ching … Ching … Ching …

Bell$ on register$ ring
Making checkbook$ light,
Oh, what fun it is to buy up
Everything in $ight!

Ching … Ching … Ching …

Jingle Bells Jingle Bells
The kids all yell and scream
To us it sounds like anarchy
But to them it’s harmony-HEY!

Jingle Bells Jingle Bells
The children tipped the tree
Antique ornaments smashed to bits
The kids each say “not me”

Dad goes to work each day
Engineering things for flight
But his real job is at home
Refereeing little fights

Mom drives the kids around
In an ancient Caravan
Karate, swimming, children’s choir
Espresso in her hand-HEY!

Jingle Bells Jingle Bells
Jingle all the way
Our wish to you is that you have
A… Happy… Holi-dayyyyyyyyy.

Lt. Santa

OPERATION ORDER 12-98
FOR: OFFICIAL VISIT OF LT jg SANTA CLAUS

1. An official staff visit by LT jg Claus is expected at this post on 25 Dec. The following directives govern activities of all Army personnel during the visit.

a. Not a creature will stir without permission. This includes warrant officers and mice. Soldiers may obtain special stirring permits for necessary administrative action through the Battalion S-1. Officer stirring permits must be obtained through the Deputy, Post Plans and Policy Office.

b. All personnel will settle their brains for a long winter nap NLT 2200 hours, 24 December. Uniform for the nap will be; Pajamas, Cotton, Light Weight, General Purpose, OG, and Cap, BDU woodland pattern, with ear flaps in the extended position. Equipment will be drawn from the supply room prior to 1900 hours. While at supply, all personnel will review their personal hand receipts and sign a Cash Collection Voucher, DD Form 1131, for all missing items. Remember, this is the “season of giving.”

c. Personnel will utilize standard “T” ration sugar plums for visions to dance through their heads. Sugar plums are available in “T” ration sundry packs and should be eaten with egg loaf, chopped ham, and spice cake to ensure maximum visions are experienced.

d. Stockings, Wool, Cushion Sole, will be hung by the chimneys with care. Necessary safety precautions will be taken to avoid fires caused by carelessly hung stockings. 1SG’s will submit stocking handling plans to S-3, Training prior to 0800 hours, 24 Dec. All leaders will ensure their subordinate personnel are briefed on the safety aspects of stocking hanging.

e. At first [sign] of clatter, all personnel will spring from their beds to investigate and evaluate the cause. Immediate action will be taken to tear open the shutters and throw up the window sashes. On order OPLAN 7-97 (North Pole), para 6-8 (c)(3), dated 4 March, this office, takes effect to facilitate shutter tearing and sash throwing. SDO and all CQs will be familiar with procedures and are responsible for seeing that no shutters are torn or sashes thrown in Bldg 9828 prior to the start of official clatter.

f. Prior to 0001, date of visit, all personnel possessing Standard Target Acquisition and Night Observation (STANO) equipment will be assigned “wandering eyeball” stations. The SDNCO will ensure that these stations are adequately manned even after shutters are torn and sashes are thrown.

g. The Battalion S-4, in coordination with the National Security Agency and the Motor Pool will assign on each Sleigh, Miniature, M-24 and eight reindeer, tiny, for use by LT jg Claus. The assigned driver must have a current sleigh operator’s license with roof top permit and evidence of attendance at the winter driving class stamped on his DA Form 348. Driver must also be able to clearly shout “On Dancer, On Prancer, etc.”

2. LT JG Claus will initially enter Bldg 9828 through the dayroom. All offices without chimneys will draw Chimney Simulator, M6A2 for use during the visit. Draw chimney simulator on DA Form 2765-1 which will be submitted in four copies to the S-4 prior to 23 Dec. Personnel will ensure that chimneys are properly cleaned before turn-in at the conclusion of visit.

3. Personnel will be rehearsed in the shouting of “Merry Christmas and Happy New Year” or “Merry Christmas To All and To All a Good Night.” This shout will be given upon termination of the visit.

Uniformity of shouting is the responsibility of each section NCOIC.

FOR THE COMMANDER

GOODE, U. B., LTC, OD
Executive Officer

Egga Nogga Ville

EggNoggVille (pronounced Egga Nogga Ville)
Christmas in the Florida Keys
Adapted from Jimmy Buffet’s Margaritaville by a friend.

Livin’ on fruit cake,
watchin’ the sun bake,
all of them snowbirds covered with oil.

Strummin’ my six string,
on my front porch swing,
singin’ Christmas songs from days of old.

CHORUS
Wastin’ away in Egga Nogga Ville,
Didn’t get a Christmas present at all
Some people claim that Santa Claus is to blame,
but I know, it’s nobody’s fault.

Put on my flip flops,
drove to a park lot,
threw a tree on my car then I cruised on back home.

Where there’s rum in the blender,
with milk and eggs it will render,
that chilly concoction that helps me hang on.

CHORUS
Wastin’ away in Egga Nogga Ville,
Didn’t get a Christmas present at all
Some people claim that Santa Claus is to blame,
but I know, it’s nobody’s fault.

Don’t know the reason,
I’m teary this season,
you didn’t call me, I didn’t call you,

But now that it’s Christmas,
I know that I missed us,
doin’ the mistletoe thing that we used to do.

CHORUS
Wastin’ away in Egga Nogga Ville,
Didn’t get a Christmas present at all
Some people claim that Santa Claus is to blame,
but I know, it’s nobody’s fault.

Some people claim that Santa Claus is to blame,
but I know,
it’s nobody’s fault.

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